| As a writer, you can earn extra income by opening | | | | And there are the acknowledgments of the |
| T-shirt stores at print-on-demand web sites. It costs | | | | job-hunting life: "I'm job-hunting on the Internet. I'm a |
| next to nothing, and you don't need to be a graphic | | | | whiz at Freecell" |
| designer. T-shirts are self-expression products: you | | | | And you can always resort to hyperbole -- I hope it |
| can just put a statement on the shirt that expresses | | | | is hyperbole: "In these economic times, I'm simplifying |
| the attitudes, feelings, and beliefs of your customers. | | | | my life to what will fit in two shopping bags." |
| In this recession, a lot of customers will want to | | | | It's a good time for class resentment: "My boss has a |
| express hostility. A lot of people are out of work and | | | | golden parachute. Mine is lead." "We all have our social |
| feeling worthless. A lot of people are upset at the | | | | causes: the rich firmly oppose class warfare." "If you |
| cost of health care, or the loss of health care. A lot | | | | don't let CEOs loot their own companies, whose |
| of people are angry that the people who failed are | | | | company will they loot?" "We need the rich. Who else |
| the ones getting the bailouts. A lot of people are | | | | will build the McMansions?" For those who remember |
| angry at bankers. A lot of people are angry at | | | | trickle-down economics, there's: "Tinkle-down |
| corporate executives taking huge salaries, benefits, | | | | economics -- give money to the rich, and they will |
| and bonuses. A lot of people are angry at the rich | | | | tinkle down on the rest of us." And to direct anger |
| getting the tax breaks. | | | | specifically at bankers: "Bankers getting bonuses? So |
| How do you write T-shirt slogans about these | | | | what? They've got to do something with that |
| resentments? The process is much like writing | | | | money and they're not lending." |
| comedy routines. You search through many mental | | | | Of course you could apply some irony: "Thank |
| associations to find ideas to work with. You search | | | | goodness the rich still have their tax cuts. After I get |
| for specifics, for concrete things. You look especially | | | | my job back, get my health care back, get my home |
| for conflicts and ironies. | | | | back, I'll be looking for one of those tax cuts." |
| Let's look at some ideas for T-shirts for people who | | | | Speaking of health care: "We used to be wage |
| are out of work: | | | | slaves. Now we're health-care slaves." How about |
| You can address the feelings of worthlessness: "Out | | | | these: "We've got choice in health care: we can |
| of work? Don't feel worthless. Let the bankers feel | | | | choose to see a doctor, or buy medicine, or pay our |
| worthless." | | | | rent, or buy groceries." "We've got choice in health |
| Here's a lead in: "The financial crisis makes me feel like | | | | care: The Health-care companies can choose whether |
| such a failure..." How would you end it? Maybe: "...I | | | | to insure us and how much to charge." Or: "Say 'No!' |
| haven't even caused one bank failure." "... I haven't | | | | to socialized medicine. Make it your choice which |
| even fired one person." "... I've never yet caused a | | | | doctor you can't afford to see." |
| world-wide economic meltdown." "... The only | | | | And of course, you can go for a more pervasive |
| investor's retirement I've lost was mine." | | | | cynicism: "Don't even think of applying for a bailout if |
| Then there's the acknowledgment of being out of | | | | your failure cost less than $10 billion." "The American |
| work: "My company decided they could go bankrupt | | | | economy: if you're not too big to fail, you're too small |
| without me." Or one of the cliches: "I'm managing my | | | | to succeed." "Why aren't the American people too |
| wealth." "I've left to spend more time with my | | | | big to fail?" "Politics -- replacing American know-how |
| family." | | | | with know-who." |
| I made up some calling cards listing my occupation as | | | | These are some ideas for slogans you can put on |
| "Gentleman." On T-shirts, you might have a slogan: | | | | T-shirts. I'll bet you already have an idea of how to |
| "I'm a gentleman*" or "The economy has elevated | | | | do them better and ideas for more. Go to it. I'll be |
| me to a gentleman*". And a footnote: "*gentleman: | | | | putting some of them on T-shirts myself, but I'll give |
| someone who pursues no occupation or profession | | | | you a head start. |
| for money." | | | | |